1. |
Animals in Winter
03:57
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1
Let me take you back to the days before
The chicken pox vaccine—
Those scars along my shoulders
From when I was just 15—
No matter how strong the medicine
Or how smart the therapy
Sometimes they itch,
Sometimes uncontrollably.
And then the weather changed
And washed it all away
Like the opposite of some amazing grace
The snow threatened to bury us again
We had lost ourselves in hibernation
Like animals in winter
We were waiting for thaw
To wake us up and move us on
But somehow we slept through it all…
2
It didn’t seem like too long ago
We had promises to keep
But the road that takes us there
Is so narrow and steep
You changed you name
And grew out your hair for me
And all the while I was growing
Something else entirely.
But then the weather changed
And washed it all away
Like the opposite of some amazing grace
The snow threatened to bury us again
We had lost ourselves in hibernation
Like animals in winter
We were waiting for thaw
To wake us up and move us on
But somehow we slept through it all…
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2. |
Lakes
04:03
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1
I was watching the rain
fall into the lake
water into water
and the patterns it makes
like the ripples we caused
with our mistakes:
Bottles of whiskey
and bottles of wine:
headaches and heartaches
and gathering clouds.
And the simple comfort
I found in your arms.
It’s late, late
but I knew what you wanted
were lakes, lakes,
and bodies of water.
Please wait (wait)
I’m holding my promises close--
2
Down to Chicago you traveled so fine
with a passport photo
and those old poems of mine
but the things on the shore
that you’ve left behind…
The things that you carried
were bending your neck
like an anchor
or an albatross
like the little wars
in the folds of your dress.
It’s late, late
but I knew what you wanted
were lakes, lakes,
and bodies of water.
Please wait (wait)
I’m holding my promises close
like the sky below the trees
on the surface, hovering
out where we cannot reach.
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3. |
I will not go to London
03:14
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I will never go to London
if you will not leave this place.
The four walls of this house
are angels’ wings
guiding me to your embrace.
I will not go to Moscow
Paris, Rome, or Berlin
I will never see New York City
or old Los Angeles.
Until we are standing hand in hand
I will never see the moon
reflecting off the skyline of Chicago
or cold Lake Michigan.
No I will not walk a mile
if you will not walk with me
I will never wade in the ocean
or hike among the trees
Your skin is like the shoreline
your eyes are like the sea
there is nothing on earth
made by God or man
as beautiful as thee.
Stones and cities crumble into dust
broken by the hand of time
but my heart is free
and whole again
whenever you are by my side.
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4. |
Frank Lloyd Wright
03:36
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1
There were rumors that something was wrong
Blood on the walls.
And the matches in the summer heat
It didn’t take much.
A fire out of control
Hungry and desperate as a starving man
Takes everything it touches.
I loved you more than Frank Lloyd Wright
Loved anything at all
The things that we built are fragile
And waiting to fall
2
And the people with their helpful advice
Arrived on the scene
Like a bucket brigade
Ready for action.
It was unclear just where to start
To pick up the pieces.
When the water and the flames collide
Both are extinguished.
I loved you more than Frank Lloyd Wright
Loved anything at all
The things that we built are fragile
And waiting to fall
So hold me close
And watch Taliesin burn to the ground.
I swear I will never let this happen to us.
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5. |
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Harmless wings
Mother with the broken eggs
Garden singer
You built a nest for everything
Sharpened beak
I heard you in the early spring
Eyes so deep
You could have shown me anything
They shoot mourning doves
For less than this my love
And now they’ve trained their sights on us.
It’s open season
In this place we call(ed) our home
Every glance a bullet,
Every kiss draws blood
And though you know it isn’t safe
Every night we lay awake
Hoping that the day
Will bring a resolution.
They shoot mourning doves
For less than this my love
And now they’ve trained their sights on us.
There’s not much meat
But for convenience sake they come
Here to train their sights on us…
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6. |
Better homes and gardens
03:33
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1
The sky was like a bruise when you left.
My happiness scattered down
Like those letters that I found
With no signature
Written in a hand I did not know
Please come home,
My arms long to hold you.
I’m strong enough for both.
I promise you this:
I will not let go
2
The snow was piled across the street.
My dinner untouched again.
The opposite of praying hands:
The space between
Where we cannot be.
Please come home,
My arms long to hold you.
I’m strong enough for both.
I promise you this:
I will not let go
---O the blood was for our sins,
The alcohol covered the rest.
I stood there in the door
Straining my eyes to see your silhouette
While the snow came down
Like the end of the world
On the headless stalks of last summers’ flowerbeds.
I’ll tear down these walls
And build something better:
A cage that will keep us
Safe with each other---
Please come home,
My arms long to hold you.
I’m strong enough for both.
I promise you this:
I will not let go
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7. |
Nerve
03:22
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1
Well my dear, we are so limited
in what we can wear.
Folks like us are doomed to
spend hours before a mirror.
You and I have a fatal case
of “not-quite-innocent”
and you and I must lie to
keep ourselves in loneliness
Twenty years down the road
we’ll be better off,
we’ll have the nerve
to tell our kids
to never give up.
2
My God, my dear, please please put out
that cigarette!
You know we’ve started our stories,
but the ending’s not quite clear yet.
I know you used to lie to yourself
but you’re no longer the type.
You and I are from the same womb,
we’ve got the same wounds, we’re on the same side.
Twenty years down the road
we’ll be better off,
we’ll have the nerve
to tell our kids
to never give up.
3
Some day my dear, we’ll finally find
some time to reminisce.
And laugh about the dramas
and all the stupid, careless things we said,
where I can finally talk about
those failed suicide attempts
and how you finally lost your nerve
and gave in to happiness. . .
Twenty years down the road
we stumbled home,
our head in our hands
and we wished we were alone.
We’ll have the nerve
to tell our kids
that everything is under control...
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8. |
Callous Year
04:26
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1
In the place we left our ghosts
There was a crying from the floorboards
And your eyes were big as globes
With the continents erased
Nothing but the oceans
Slick and blue and innocent
Deeper than the drifting poems
I wrote to rescue us
And I tried to bandage up your scars
With red wine and silent guitars
But it turns out we said
All
That we
Would say
In the year that my calluses went away
2
In the rooms where our skeletons were kept
Something pressed against the window
And skin across my fingertips was stretched
As smooth as alcohol
Resting in a glass
Resting on our dark blue tablecloth
Laying on the borders of your heart
Inside your aching chest
And nothing that was promised came to pass
You paint the walls and I’ll cut the grass
Taking comfort where we can
In the
Depths
Of the mundane
In the year that my calluses went away
---Remember when St. Paul
Wiped those scales from his face?
Oh the freedom that he must
Felt that day---
Well I wrote that novel
About
Losing
My faith
The year that my calluses went away
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9. |
Bottlecaps
03:16
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1
Well I wish that I could take back
everything I said
when I was begging in the dark
from my side of the bed
when I thought I’d live without you
but I needed you instead
And you were on my mind
You’re always on my mind
Yes you were on my mind
You’re always on my mind
2
Desperate in the mirror
like it could barely stand
I was praying my goodbyes
to my kids and my friends
with the pills in the bottles,
their caps in my hands
But you were on my mind
You’re always on my mind
Yes you were on my mind
You’re always on my mind
---I’m tired of hating and blaming myself
and hiding from shadows that i can’t outrun
i’m tired of prescriptions making me numb
well I loved you once, and I always will
yes I loved you once, and I always will
I loved you one time, and I always will---
3
Silent at the steering wheel
hospital ride
counting the seconds
til you said goodbye
I was watching us age
from the passenger side
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10. |
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1.
Your body so brave
For years I’ve been its slave
Proudly wrapped in the chains of your caress.
But my heart needs a place
Wounded, but safe,
A wolf with no return address.
And I find now that I can’t be trusted
To lose myself in your eyes
It seems natural to love you
But I have to admit that
Somedays it’s so hard to try
2
Your bed was my home
But for years I’ve been alone
Waiting for repairs to be made
And the sheets were stripped bare
With your imprint there,
An ocean with nothing to say.
And I thought I could never be tempted
Away from my place at your side
Well it was natural to lose you
But I have to admit that
Sometimes it’s too hard to try
---Well we both used to know
Where this road’s gonna go
And it’s so hard to see
The prints from our feet
Yes we both used to know
Where this road’s gonna go
And in this darkness we can’t see
A way through this mess where we both come out perfect and clean---
3
Your skin was so true
For years I worshipped you
Going blind by the light in your hands
Now the wick is burned black
Hollowed the wax,
A sparrow with nowhere to land
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Steev baker Madison, Wisconsin
Steev baker is a lo-fi singer-songwriter from rural Wisconsin. He has spent time in the music scenes of Oshkosh, West Bend, Milwaukee, and Madison over the past 20 years playing songs about faith, doubt, anxiety, love, and the places we call home.
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